Bird Poop バードうんち
by orochigay
Summary: Because everyone wants to be killed by bird poop and forced into a world that shouldn't exist. 【SI, OC】


**Bird Poop /**** バードうんち**

**Prologue**

* * *

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns _Naruto_, not me.**

**Warning: Swearing. Because anyone would swear if they died because of bird poop. Story also will be slow, but try and give it a chance. **

**Also, I may end up changing the title at some point because, well. . .look at it.**

* * *

Bird poop killed me.

It _fucking killed me. _

How, exactly?

Well, I decided to go outside to take my dog for a walk. I hardly went outside, mainly because I was afraid of it and the people.

I was walking down the sidewalk innocently, focusing on my dog. But then, a bird just randomly decided to poop on my shoulder. Out of shock, I let go of my dog's leash; the dog ran into the road; I ran after him, and got hit by a car.

All because a stupid bird oh-so-suddenly decided to poop on my shoulder. But hey, might as well take it as a compliment ー I must have nice shoulders.

Anyway, I've always believed there was no such thing as 'heaven' or 'hell'. I thought a person would die and they wouldn't feel anything anymore. It would be an eternal sleep without dreams. That was the one thing I hated about death ー I wouldn't be able to dream anymore.

But, when I came to the realization I was in a new world, I truly thought I was dreaming. That, maybe, we did dream during death. Even now, I still believe I'm dreaming. I couldn't have been reborn. No way.

I wasn't able to comprehend my surroundings until the age of two. Before then, I couldn't even think, feel, or see correctly. It was exactly like my 'past life'; I couldn't remember anything before age two.

But when I did, something was wrong ー so very, very wrong. People used chakra in this world. What did I read in my past life that had chakra in it? I don't know.

What I do know, is that it shouldn't be possible to be here. This is something a person thought up with their mind; hell, if it's possible to be here, is it possible to be in that book Jiraiya wrote? I'd rather be there than this hell hole.

I kept telling myself: _this is just a dream, just a dream, Elizabeth. You're finally going crazy at sixteen ー it was going to happen at some point. You did just die from bird poop, so it's to be expected. _

But, at six, I finally came to the conclusion I might've been reborn.

* * *

"Yuno-chan! Get out of bed, your aunt is coming over for breakfast."

Ah, the woman I call mother. She just had to name me after the craziest female character in existence. Though, she wouldn't know about that character. . .

"Yuno, don't make me dump cold water on you."

I kicked the blankets off of me, rolling out of the futon. Still rolling across the floor like a bowling ball, I grabbed a kimono, rolled out of the room and into the bathroom. Finally standing up, I was met by a monster in the mirror ー also known as my hair. I quickly tamed it with my hairbrush and put on my kimono. Running into the kitchen, I found my aunt and mother hugging.

My aunt then ran over to me, picking me up in a bone-crushing hug. I groaned in pain and she giggled, letting me go.

"What is. . .this?" my mother questioned, pointing to my head.

"My hair."

"Did you even brush it?!"

"Yes," I replied, sitting on my knees at our table, "But because you gave me your 'monster-hair', it looks like this."

She sighed, rubbing her temples. "I'll brush it myself," she mumbled, walking back up our stairs.

My aunt giggled again, sitting across from me. "'Monster-hair'?"

I pointed at it. "Look at it! A bird could live in there if it wanted to!" I laughed, "I should have one as a pet, actually. I'll look for one today."

"I'll help," she winked. My mother could be heard groaning in aggravation as she stomped down the steps. "Hey, Suki, you should be lucky you have a daughter like her! She's smarter than the average six-year old, it's amazing."

Probably because I'm actually twenty-two.

"But she has your daー I mean, your sense of humor," she said, almost cursing. She sat down behind me and behind pulling on my hair with the brush.

"Not so hard!" I whined.

My aunt laughed again and made another snarky remark. Thus, the day continued.

My first six years of life were mostly like this. Laugh with my aunt all day, my mother would always be grumpy, and I'd also study on chakra in secret.

My father disappeared, who left his books about chakra and other things, but I couldn't help but be glad about it. I had a huge fear of men in my past life, and I'd probably end up hurting this father's feelings with how I'd most likely separate myself from him.

But, in these six years of life, they were probably the best among all twenty-two of them. I was so happy; with how happy I was, it gave me more of a reason to believe this was only a dream.

Good things never last long though.

* * *

"Yuno!"

I groaned, "I'm tired. . ."

"This is an emergency, you have to get up!"

"Mhmm. . ."

"YU ー "

"Let the girl sleep, Suki Mori."

My eyes flew open at that, and I instinctively began kicking and punching all around me. Unfortunately, all I hit was air.

Eventually, my eyes adjusted to what was happened around me, and I could see a person with a mask holding my mother by her hair. A knife was held to her neck, and it had already drawn blood.

"I'll give you a choice, little girl. Either bring me 'that book' and I'll let both of you go; or you can run away and let your mother and aunt here to die."

Is this really happening? Is my six years of happiness going to end? But this is my dream, so why can't I control it?

I repeated the words, 'Make this man disappear', multiple times, but it wasn't working. This was when I accepted I was truly reborn.

"WーWhat book?" I stumbled over my words, trying to form an understandable sentence.

"You haven't even told your daughter where the book is? How unfortunate. Well, goodbye, old woman. May you rest in peace."

I ran forwards, grabbing onto the man's arm. I felt as if I had no control of my body, literally. I felt numb. . .why?

"What? You know where it is now?" he growled, moving his arm away from me. I nodded, even though I didn't want to. "Good, then go get it."

My body still moved on its own as it walked into the library. I grabbed a key, that was hidden inside a book, and walked over to my father's locked drawer. The key opened it, and laying inside the drawer was a book. But what considered me more than the book was, who was controlling my body?

I walked back into the room, handing the book to the man. ". . .Thanks. I appreciate it, kid. Unfortunately, I lied about not killing your mother. I'm sorry."

* * *

"She's still not talking."

"She seen her mother be killed in front of her, what do you expect?"

"Hn."

"Uh. . . ," the one man waved his hand in front of my face. He had a headband on his head, that was a symbol for one of the main villages, Konohagakure. "Hey, it'll be alright, okay? The Hokage will definitely allow you to enter into the Academy. You'll make a lot of friends, and with how pretty you are, the boys will love y ー "

"Daisuke, not helping the situation. Shut up and walk."

"I. . ." my voice crackled, and I almost began crying again. I sniffled, knowing I had to talk. Their attention was now on me. "Thank you for trying to help, Daisuke-san. . ."

He grinned, "I'm always here to help a pretty girl like you, imouto ー "

"Daisuke."

Daisuke grimaced and began walking again, mumbling under his breath. He reminded me of that main character from this manga I'm supposedly in.

We finally made it to the gates of Konoha and Ichigo took me off his back, setting me on the ground. "Stay here."

"Where else would she go?" Daisuke mumbled to himself, "And he calls me the idiot. . ."

Ichigo walked over to two that were stationed at the gates, most likely explaining who I was. They nodded and walked over with Ichigo. "Are you ready to tell us your name?" Ichigo asked me, kneeling down.

". . .Yuno," I answered quietly. "Mori, Yuno. . ."

"Did she say 'Mo ー "

Ichigo glared over at Daisuke, and he immediately shut up. "We're going to bring you to the Hokage," Ichigo told me, "If you make any move to attack him, you know what will happen."

"What's wrong with you?!" Daisuke screamed, pushing Ichigo.

"I'm just taking precautions."

"Whatever, jackass."

* * *

Not much happened with the Hokage. He said, "Sorry about your mother," and that I'd be entered into the orphanage. But then, Daisuke stepped in and offered to adopt me, despite him only being nineteen. I was also entered into the Academy.

"Hey, cheer up, imouto!" Daisuke grinned from besides me. We were at his apartment ー which was messy and that was unacceptable ー and we were both eating instant ramen. "Now you have a big brother, and that's awesome, right?"

". . .Yes. I've always wanted a sibling. Thank you for adopting me, Daisuke-san."

"You mean, 'Daisuke-niisan'?" he joked. I smiled and nodded.

For the next month, Daisuke would come back from his A or B rank missions and tried to cheer me up. After two weeks of being here, I went to the Academy, but I didn't make any friends. They thought I was weird. I didn't know if it was because of my silence or because of my emotionless face and voice. At times, I'd get bullied, which ended up with me beating them up. They stopped after that. I became "The Strange, Strong Girl With Weird Hair".

Over time, I began to develop a huge hate for that masked man who killed my mother. I wanted revenge, yet I didn't. I knew if I developed hate and a want for revenge, it would destroy me rather than him.

Eventually, I accepted this hate and accepted I wanted to kill him. He took my happiness away. The most happiness I've felt for my twenty-two years of living, he took away. I knew, no matter who entered my life, they would never make me more happy than the presence of my mother or aunt.

I was killed by bird shit, and now, I had a shitty second life.

* * *

**Yeah, the prologue was slow. But it basically showed how her life is going to be from now on. In Chapter One, actual _Naruto_ characters will appear. **

**A warning now: this fic will be filled with, what I call, humor and dark themes. I want to make it humorous, yet serious at the same time. **

**Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! **


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